I looked at people.
I try to create a story for them.
I looked at people.
I try to speak for them.
I looked at life,
I compare to what I have in mine.
I looked at people.
People whom I might have known.
I looked at people.
People who has a path which contradicts mine.
I looked at life.
I compare to what is lack in mine.
I looked at people.
I thought they are happy.
I looked at people.
I thought they are content.
I looked at life,
I know I have to survive.
I looked around.
I try to find.
something which i
I don't know how to define.
I looked around.
Somehow I found.
Life tells me story.
It put me back down to the ground.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Unrhythmic feelings for a friend.
When I needed friends, I could not find one.
When I needed an ear, seems like all were clogged.
When I needed a shoulder, all were occupied.
When I needed an advice, all were dissappeared.
And I became weaker than I've ever been.
And I cried my heart out into a pillow.
And I wrote my whine out to a paper.
And I look around,still, I found none.
It was hard, it was hurting.
It was sad, it was lonely.
I was humiliated. It was embarassing
What hurts most, I get all the credit for not being strong enough.
And I learned.
And I knew.
And I realised.
I'm on my own.
And so, I became, a loner,
I swallowed it all.
A broke up with a boyfriend, was bad.
Breaking up with friends was even worst.
The past is done. I've been betrayed.
And so I learned never to depend.
I am pretty much have me, and only.
Call me emotional,
Call me absurd,
You know nothing at all,
For I will never give you a call.
We'll know, who's our true friend when we're at the bottom.
We'll know who'll be with us,
and who would feel empathy,
or who'd help to add some more spice to the wound.
Things been done,
words been said.
I was a joke,
Laugh all you want.
Thank you for the lesson.
Said I passed the test.
What a respond from a so called 'friend'.
Thank you, I made it through once, I can make it on my own.
When I needed an ear, seems like all were clogged.
When I needed a shoulder, all were occupied.
When I needed an advice, all were dissappeared.
And I became weaker than I've ever been.
And I cried my heart out into a pillow.
And I wrote my whine out to a paper.
And I look around,still, I found none.
It was hard, it was hurting.
It was sad, it was lonely.
I was humiliated. It was embarassing
What hurts most, I get all the credit for not being strong enough.
And I learned.
And I knew.
And I realised.
I'm on my own.
And so, I became, a loner,
I swallowed it all.
A broke up with a boyfriend, was bad.
Breaking up with friends was even worst.
The past is done. I've been betrayed.
And so I learned never to depend.
I am pretty much have me, and only.
Call me emotional,
Call me absurd,
You know nothing at all,
For I will never give you a call.
We'll know, who's our true friend when we're at the bottom.
We'll know who'll be with us,
and who would feel empathy,
or who'd help to add some more spice to the wound.
Things been done,
words been said.
I was a joke,
Laugh all you want.
Thank you for the lesson.
Said I passed the test.
What a respond from a so called 'friend'.
Thank you, I made it through once, I can make it on my own.
Subuh
mumy. bangun.
*errrmmmm...
mumy, bangun. subuh.
*dady mandi dulu.
rambut di urai-urai.
muka di belai.
di tepuk-tepuk kaki.
di tarik-tarik tangan lagi.
mumy, bangun sayang.
*ermmmmmm.....
mumy, bangun cepat, nanti lambat.
*dady pegi dulu.
tangan di belai lagi.
telinga ditiupnya pula.
ditepuk-tepuk kaki.
bingkas bangkit mengalah dia.
mandi dia.
bersiram air sesuam kuku.
bersiap dia.
bersiap untuk menunaikan seru.
di renjis air kemuka si dia.
di renjis lagi, biar sedar.
berdiri di sisi,
terus menanti,
menunggu yang pasti,
kekasihnya masih,
tak bangkit lagi.
mumy.
*errmm..
mumy.
*ok bukak dah mata.
bangun duduk.
*ok. iye.
berdiri terus.
*iye.
mandi. subuh, nanti lambat.
di satu hari nanti,
harapan ini terjadi.
duduk berangan,
bukan ia sesuatu yang ringan.
belum pernah terjadi lagi.
berharap untuk nanti,
di setiap pagi,
kasih di semi setiap hari.
*good malay story often makes me wander.
*errrmmmm...
mumy, bangun. subuh.
*dady mandi dulu.
rambut di urai-urai.
muka di belai.
di tepuk-tepuk kaki.
di tarik-tarik tangan lagi.
mumy, bangun sayang.
*ermmmmmm.....
mumy, bangun cepat, nanti lambat.
*dady pegi dulu.
tangan di belai lagi.
telinga ditiupnya pula.
ditepuk-tepuk kaki.
bingkas bangkit mengalah dia.
mandi dia.
bersiram air sesuam kuku.
bersiap dia.
bersiap untuk menunaikan seru.
di renjis air kemuka si dia.
di renjis lagi, biar sedar.
berdiri di sisi,
terus menanti,
menunggu yang pasti,
kekasihnya masih,
tak bangkit lagi.
mumy.
*errmm..
mumy.
*ok bukak dah mata.
bangun duduk.
*ok. iye.
berdiri terus.
*iye.
mandi. subuh, nanti lambat.
di satu hari nanti,
harapan ini terjadi.
duduk berangan,
bukan ia sesuatu yang ringan.
belum pernah terjadi lagi.
berharap untuk nanti,
di setiap pagi,
kasih di semi setiap hari.
*good malay story often makes me wander.
Smile because your smile matter to those around you.
YOU. ingat tak dulu. dulu, masa you tengah susah hati dan selalu moody. masa you rasa takde sapa paham you. *err...selalu je kan you rasa takde orang faham you. yelah.masa tu..i pernah bagi you satu buku kan? buku smiley. ingat tak? buku kaler itam, ada one big smiley on the front and three little smileys at the back. ah..buku tu lahh.. that book which i bought when i was passing by a very old bookstore and i saw it, it was actually dusty...but kat cover dia ada tulis. "smile because your smile matter to those around you." and at that time, your smile is actually what matter most to me. and so I bought the book because I need to tell you without telling you that your happiness is important to me. Even if I'm not the who'd be the reason for your happiness.
My intention was, for you to have something which you will have by yourside just when you think talking to the people around you is useless because none of us would understand you. I said, "whenever you pissed of, mad or sad, just write it all here. you can let it all out here. make it sort of a letter to someone you would never meet, but understand you the most. you can write everything here. even if it is about me.
Ingat tak you buku tu?? I tau you ingat. And I remember reading the very first note in the book. It was about how you appreciate this book very much. and you would write more. and one of the bitterest moment to you was when i smoke some "shisha" with our friends. yes..that book. I noticed you still have that book. and i also found out that you had stopped writing. My wish is that, you stopped writing because you are all better than then..
*my attempt to share some bittersweet memories with you. didn't work did it?
but I'm glad I had tried it.S
My intention was, for you to have something which you will have by yourside just when you think talking to the people around you is useless because none of us would understand you. I said, "whenever you pissed of, mad or sad, just write it all here. you can let it all out here. make it sort of a letter to someone you would never meet, but understand you the most. you can write everything here. even if it is about me.
Ingat tak you buku tu?? I tau you ingat. And I remember reading the very first note in the book. It was about how you appreciate this book very much. and you would write more. and one of the bitterest moment to you was when i smoke some "shisha" with our friends. yes..that book. I noticed you still have that book. and i also found out that you had stopped writing. My wish is that, you stopped writing because you are all better than then..
*my attempt to share some bittersweet memories with you. didn't work did it?
but I'm glad I had tried it.S
Umum Salahnya
Buruk perkataannya, kau kisahkan.
Buruk perangainya, kau ceritakan.
Mengaruk hamunnya, kau sebarkan.
Buruk lakunya, kau umumkan.
Tangisnya dia, saat kau kelaparan, tak kau kisahkan.
Sedihnya dia, saat kau keletihan, tak kau ceritakan.
Runtun hatinya, saat kau kesusahan, tak pernah kau umumkan.
Sabarnya dia, saat kau curang, tak pernah kau dedahkan.
Waktu kau berbohong, dan dia redha.
Tak pernah kah kau, rasa kasihan.
Saat kau sombong, dan dia kesusahan, takkah kau rasa satu kesalahan.
Saat dia perlu pertolongan, terus ditinggalkan, tak perlukah kau, beri penjelasan?
Dia marah. Dia menjerit.
Dia mengamuk. Dia mengaruk.
Dia sayang. Dia cinta.
Dia sakit. Dia perit.
Dia sabar. Dia tabah.
Biar hatinya, matikan semua rasa.
Mengusap dada, terus beristghfar.
Semoga sabar, masih berbaki.
Insya-Allah kemaafan tiba satu masa nanti.
Buruk perangainya, kau ceritakan.
Mengaruk hamunnya, kau sebarkan.
Buruk lakunya, kau umumkan.
Tangisnya dia, saat kau kelaparan, tak kau kisahkan.
Sedihnya dia, saat kau keletihan, tak kau ceritakan.
Runtun hatinya, saat kau kesusahan, tak pernah kau umumkan.
Sabarnya dia, saat kau curang, tak pernah kau dedahkan.
Waktu kau berbohong, dan dia redha.
Tak pernah kah kau, rasa kasihan.
Saat kau sombong, dan dia kesusahan, takkah kau rasa satu kesalahan.
Saat dia perlu pertolongan, terus ditinggalkan, tak perlukah kau, beri penjelasan?
Dia marah. Dia menjerit.
Dia mengamuk. Dia mengaruk.
Dia sayang. Dia cinta.
Dia sakit. Dia perit.
Dia sabar. Dia tabah.
Biar hatinya, matikan semua rasa.
Mengusap dada, terus beristghfar.
Semoga sabar, masih berbaki.
Insya-Allah kemaafan tiba satu masa nanti.
In The Midst of The Cold
filled with tears.
haunt with fear.
dropping hopes.
leaving dreams.
too tired to think.
too sad to wish.
to all in hands.
i wish to free.
sadness strokes
in the midst of the cold.
helpless to run
when i can't stand.
haunt with fear.
dropping hopes.
leaving dreams.
too tired to think.
too sad to wish.
to all in hands.
i wish to free.
sadness strokes
in the midst of the cold.
helpless to run
when i can't stand.
Kawan-Kawan Saya
Di awalnya, saya sendiri saya.
Saya mula kenal dia.
Orang pertama saya berkata.
Orang pertama saya menyapa.
Yang kurang lebih sama macam saya.
Kita putih, tapi kita putih yang tak sama.
Kita hitam, tapi hitam kita pon tak sama.
Kita confuse, tapi kita tetap sama-sama terus.
Saya kenal pula dengan dia, dia, dan dia.
Dia semua jadi kakak adik saya.
Permulaan saya.
Kenal dengan mereka,
lidah saya mula rasa benda baru.
Lidah saya mula rasa benda berbeza.
Perkataan saya mula bertambah.
Pengetahuan saya mula bercambah.
Pandangan saya juga berubah.
Terima kasih ika, ida, dan deeha.
KPM jugak jadi pemangkin.
Saya mula kenal kawan-kawan yang lain.
Semua sebab nak tanya;
"eh, you da cek duit KPM?"
Semua sebab KPM.
Saya kenal Nerd, Konoi, Ali dengan Nudin.
Lepas tu, saya mula duduk library.
Bukan sebab rajin,
Sebab saya bosan duduk sendiri dalam bilik yang dingin.
Konon-konon baca buku,nak duduk sampai malam.
Kite menyambil;
makan, baca,minum,baca,gossip, baca,cuci mata, baca.
Kat situ juga kita jumpa Pink Panther.
Gf Nudin yang Nudin pon tak tau dia tu gf Nudin.
Pink Panther pon tak tau dia tu gf Nudin.
Saya kenal pulak dengan Cikema, Arep.
Saya belajar perkataan SEBEK.
Semua situasi saya nak guna kan sebek.
Kenapa sebek.
Cikema tinggalkan saya sebek masa rumate dia tgh bergadoh.
Sebek saya situ.
Lepas tu saya mula kenal ramai budak kelas.
Kalau sebelum tu, saya tak kenal.
Sungguh saya lupe.
Maafkan saya ye.
Sungguh orang kata, zaman belajar zaman paling bahagia.
Tak dapat nak kata apa, saya pon setuju juga.
Semua orang yang ada, takkan saya lupa.
Saya sayang semua.
Walaupun takde nama sebut sini sana,
Awak-awak kene tahu, saya ingat awak semua.
Saya mula kenal dia.
Orang pertama saya berkata.
Orang pertama saya menyapa.
Yang kurang lebih sama macam saya.
Kita putih, tapi kita putih yang tak sama.
Kita hitam, tapi hitam kita pon tak sama.
Kita confuse, tapi kita tetap sama-sama terus.
Saya kenal pula dengan dia, dia, dan dia.
Dia semua jadi kakak adik saya.
Permulaan saya.
Kenal dengan mereka,
lidah saya mula rasa benda baru.
Lidah saya mula rasa benda berbeza.
Perkataan saya mula bertambah.
Pengetahuan saya mula bercambah.
Pandangan saya juga berubah.
Terima kasih ika, ida, dan deeha.
KPM jugak jadi pemangkin.
Saya mula kenal kawan-kawan yang lain.
Semua sebab nak tanya;
"eh, you da cek duit KPM?"
Semua sebab KPM.
Saya kenal Nerd, Konoi, Ali dengan Nudin.
Lepas tu, saya mula duduk library.
Bukan sebab rajin,
Sebab saya bosan duduk sendiri dalam bilik yang dingin.
Konon-konon baca buku,nak duduk sampai malam.
Kite menyambil;
makan, baca,minum,baca,gossip, baca,cuci mata, baca.
Kat situ juga kita jumpa Pink Panther.
Gf Nudin yang Nudin pon tak tau dia tu gf Nudin.
Pink Panther pon tak tau dia tu gf Nudin.
Saya kenal pulak dengan Cikema, Arep.
Saya belajar perkataan SEBEK.
Semua situasi saya nak guna kan sebek.
Kenapa sebek.
Cikema tinggalkan saya sebek masa rumate dia tgh bergadoh.
Sebek saya situ.
Lepas tu saya mula kenal ramai budak kelas.
Kalau sebelum tu, saya tak kenal.
Sungguh saya lupe.
Maafkan saya ye.
Sungguh orang kata, zaman belajar zaman paling bahagia.
Tak dapat nak kata apa, saya pon setuju juga.
Semua orang yang ada, takkan saya lupa.
Saya sayang semua.
Walaupun takde nama sebut sini sana,
Awak-awak kene tahu, saya ingat awak semua.
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